The first thing I did when my Covid vaccines were scheduled was do a happy dance. The second was to book plane tickets. I literally could not wait to go home and see my family once I was fully vaccinated. Because the trip was so sudden (literally six weeks of lead time) and because I could not bear the thought of my parents being disappointed if yet another trip home was cancelled, I decided to make it a surprise. And for that, I needed accomplices.

Unfortunately my best options for accomplices were my brothers. My youngest brother, Evan, can’t plan something to save his life. That left my middle brother, Ethan. The one who can’t lie to or keep things from our mother to save anyone’s life. So I did what any reasonable person would do and just got them both involved - what could possibly go wrong? Against all odds, they managed to pull it off, convincing my parents to host a pre-Valentine’s family get together to watch the Razorback game, not that any part of this took a lot of convincing. Worried there wouldn’t be enough food if my parents did not have an exact headcount (because when has there ever not been enough food at a southern family get together, but also how sweet) and worried that Dad would become suspicious of the repeated phone calls about the amount of food being served, Ethan eventually decided to pick up barbecue from Whole Hog himself, both ensuring adequate amounts of smoked meat and making his sister really happy about eating the best barbecue. With that resolved and apparently no suspicion on the part of my parents, all was well.

There was only one drawback - I couldn’t go to Arkansas without my son (pretty sure all involved would refuse to see me) and Brandon couldn’t join us. That meant I would be flying alone with an 18-month-old. Heaven help me.

I got lucky on several flights and had an empty seat next to me, but this is definitely not a guarantee when you book a lap infant ticket

So I did what I do - I read everything I could find to read about flying with a toddler. You, too, with a quick Google search can find and read all the blogs with all the tips about traveling with a toddler. The information is readily available and I won’t repeat the many great tips I found elsewhere - a 5 second search will reveal dozens of blogs and articles and ideas. And I know this because I read them all. In my anticipation (read: fear) of this trip, I may have found the bottom of the internet when it comes to this specific topic.

Although I may not have any earth shattering new tips for flying solo with a toddler, what I will share is my number one strategy for traveling solo with an 18 month old sitting on my lap: have the right mindset. This, more than any toy or activity or snack, was what got me through the long, long travel days. My mindset was this - acceptance that the situation was largely out of my hands and I was as prepared as I could be; reminding myself that whatever happened, no matter how bad things got, this is only mere hours of our lives; and (almost) fully embracing the mantra that there’s no reward for having the best behaved toddler, tantrum or no we would arrive at our desired destination and I would never see any of these folks (even the one Harrison decided to kick in the knee) ever again. But most of all, I focused on the fact that at the end of the day I would get to see my family, biological and otherwise. I would go through much more than a handful of uncomfortable flights for that.

Of course my resolve was quickly put to the test when the night before my carefully selected flights I got the notification that my first flight would be delayed and that instead of an early morning hop from Eugene to Denver to Little Rock with an afternoon arrival, we would spend 15 plus hours in transit (not including the drive to the airport) with an extra stop in Chicago and a 10 pm arrival in Arkansas. I’m not going to lie, I spent a good 15 minutes crying at the kitchen table when I got this news. And then I went to bed, forcing a sense of gratitude that my alarm could be set for 6:30 am instead of 2 am. It was a long day of travel. By the end of it I was stress sweating and had wild hair, but throughout it all, I kept imagining those first moments with friends and family, most of whom would be meeting Harrison for the first time. I kept imagining this as Harrison fought naps and squirmed in our seat, as we ate mediocre pizza in the Chicago airport because nothing else was open, and as I carted way too many things from gate to gate during each layover.

It was not an easy day. But we made it. A little before midnight we parked our rental car and gingerly made our way across an icy parking lot to be greeted by two of my best friends in a hotel lobby. The next day, we would pull off the ultimate surprise and Harrison would get to meet one of my brothers and his cousins for the first time. The surprise and unmitigated joy on my parents’ faces when they realized who was standing in their living room (I got about 10 seconds of incomprehensible stares from my dad before it fully registered) is a memory I will always, always treasure. It is those memories that will help get me though the next flight, and the next, and the next. And I know one day, I will realize that I’m not flying with a little one anymore and I will wish, just a little bit, for the days of getting to hold my sweet boy in my lap as we look out the airplane window together.

I survived Harrison’s first flight and I would have the chance to put my now expert skills to the test a few months later when we flew to Hawaii. This time, Brandon was with us and I cannot even describe the difference the extra set of hands made. Again, it was a long day, but choosing to accept that it would probably be the least fun part of the trip and that Harrison was, in fact, a toddler and would, in fact, act like one and reminding myself why we were putting ourselves through it made all the difference. Flying with a little one is not fun in the traditional sense, but there are moments of wonder - like spoiling him with all you can eat cheese in the Alaska Lounge or his continued awe about every aspect of air travel. And, at the end of the day, we arrived, perhaps somewhat worse for the wear, but we arrived. Waking up in paradise made it all worthwhile.

So that’s basically my advice - just accept that it will suck and any moments that don’t are a nice bonus and remember all the things that make the suckiness worthwhile. You will get through it. And I know I said I wouldn’t share any specific tips, but we accidentally discovered one that I don’t remember seeing elsewhere, so I will share it here. If you are traveling with a lap child and there is more than one adult, at least consider sitting separately. We were moved around a bit for our flight home from Kauai and after much maneuvering (we were initially moved to completely different parts of the plane, yikes!), we ended up essentially across the aisle from each other. Although initially disappointed by this, we both ended up loving this arrangement. Being separated kept Harrison from constantly moving back and forth between us (he was much calmer) and gave us each a break for half of the flight, but we were close enough to send an SOS if needed. It may sound counterintuitive, but you might actually get an hour or two of flying as it used to be pre-child - the chance to nap or read a book or watch a movie. I think I got in a couple hours of audiobook listening. At least consider it if you’re flying with a lap infant.

After a whole two trips (and 9 flights) under my belt, I can tell you this. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will likely be the exact opposite of easy. However, this is also true: it will be worth it, it will always be worth it. Here’s to many, many more adventures together.

How to Survive a Flight with a Toddler

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